When I first started this blog, part of the title was "Life Unexpected". When I created that part of the title, I was referring to the complete 180 our life had just done following our baby girl's diagnosis of not only a heart defect but also down syndrome. I think "unexpected" works for that, albeit an understatement, but still an adequate descriptor. As I write this post today, the meaning of that word has itself done a complete 180 from what it meant just 7 some weeks ago.
Originally it meant things like "starting over", "fear", "pain", "stress", "change" and a new direction for our lives. I expected that our family and friends to be supportive of us. What I didn't expect was the degree to which our family and friends would offer their love and support. We have received so many kind words of love and support; these have been written in notes, in cards, through text messages and e-mails, facebook messages, phone calls, and said in person. I have been completely overwhelmed with the emotions this support has stirred up. And I have been trying so hard to keep up on responding to every note, card, letter, e-mail, phone message, facebook message and missed phone call, but I know there have been times I have been slow to do so. If you are one of the people on the receiving end of a tardy response, I sincerely apologize and want to thank you so much for your sweet, kind words. You have no idea how much each little message means to both Joe and I. It is what keeps our chins up on those tough days or during those down hours. It helps push us in the right direction: forward and up! We have had many offers of help with moving and help with the baby and just about anything you can imagine. Our families, especially parents have already done so much for us and have helped and supported us immensly in house shopping, inspections, repairs, cleaning, etc. We are so very, very lucky!
A little update on our living situation. As some of you might know, we bought a house back on the 2nd of July...only to find out a week later that we lost the house secondary to some sketchy financials by the sellers. Following that whole mess, we immediately picked ourselves up and powered through some intense days of hard core house shopping :) I will take a moment now to thank our super real estate agents (and friends) Shannon and Angie for working so hard to help us find an even better house. A few short days after losing our first Vadnais house, we found our second one, a great split level in an even better neighborhood in Vadnais Heights. The neighborhood is better, we are even closer to friends and family, the house is bigger, the yard is amazing, and the house has had all the major updates (a/c, furnace, roof, etc) done within the last 5+ years. Best of all, we have found a home into which we can move and stay for as long as we want. This is a house in which we can build a family and raise our children. We don't have to worry about outgrowing our space and needing to uproot and move in a few years from now. We like to say it has "forever home" potential. That was unexpected for us. We didn't think we'd have the opportunity to find that kind of home when we started our search. Even the first house we bought (that fell through) wasn't a "forever home". It was a "get-us-through-the-next-5-years-maybe" home. The morning of the day that we found our new house, I was driving into work and passed this little church. There was a sign outside that said, "Expect a miracle today." Later that day, as we were touring our new "forever home", we walked out onto the patio that overlooked the beautiful backyard. I looked down at some of the landscaping and there was a little garden sign that said, "Miracles Happen!" I haven't ever told anyone about this little happening (well, I guess until now), but I think about it every single day now and it makes me feel happy and peaceful.
So, we are very excited to be moving! Anyone that has recently tried to get a mortgage or do a re-fiance will know that the process is quite long and frustrating and I feel like its been a part-time job just to gather all the necessary paperwork for underwriting...then gather more documents for underwriting...then wait for the underwriters to tell us what else they need from us. Pretty sure a blood sample is coming soon ;) Its insane! So between work, house shopping, mortgage hoop-jumping, packing and preparing to move, life has been pretty busy. BUT we are making progress and doing well! We have found tenants for our townhome (lease officially signed!) and have started the big job of packing. Our last obstacle is the appraisal, which we don't think will be a problem, and once that is all good-to-go, we are due to close August 24th!
On the baby front, another unexpected piece of our new little life's puzzle has fallen into place. We are over the moon with excitement and anticipation for meeting our baby girl. When we started out on this baby train, we knew that having a baby would be a happy, exciting time. We have been waiting so long for this blessing! After "that fateful day" (my new term of endearment for diagnosis day) we honestly never thought we could feel that same happy excitement again. I know I said it in my previous posts, but I was afraid that the rest of my pregnancy would be sad, depressing, and scary. I could not have been more wrong, and unexpectedly, we have come out on top of this whole deal even more in love, more excited, and more happy than we could ever have imagined. Baby girl is getting so big, and she is so darn active, that we spend time every night just watching her move in my belly. Every movement feels like a little miracle happening and the really big kicks and rolls tend to bring a few happy tears to my eyes.
Another great addition to our lives is the new connections we have already starting making through a local support group. Last week we attended a picnic for the Stillwater Area Down Syndrome Family Support Group. We started building connections within this group just days after diagnosis, and we have met a couple of times with parents that have children with down syndrome, but this was our first event with the whole group (as they don't have regular monthly meetings in the summer months). I was proud of Joe for coming with me. When you don't have a whole lot of experience with down syndrome, going to a park filled with children that have down syndrome could be a little overwhelming. But he did great and I am so glad he came with me. Everyone was so kind and readily introduced themselves and shared their stories. We even ran into some old friends that recently had a son with down syndrome. Small world I guess! I look forward to building connections through this group and making new friends (for us AND for our daughter someday). I admit, there was a point at which a group of us were sitting at a picnic table, eating hotdogs and picnic food, and everyone was talking about their neonatologists and surgeons and recommending specialists and I thought, "wow...this is what our life has become..." It was a little surreal, but it was not scary or disheartening. In fact, I felt happy that we have a group of people that we can share stories with that can relate to us. Our friends and family have been more than amazing, but its nice to have someone else around that is living in your "neighborhood" too.
We had a medical ultrasound last week that showed baby's growth and development was right on track. Everything looks perfect! As of last Tuesday (24 weeks, 4 days) baby girl was 1lb, 11oz and already has huge feet (just like her momma). Last Friday night we had a 3D ultrasound in Bloomington. My parents were there, along with Joe's mom, sister, aunts, and my brother Chris and sister-in-law Peg. It meant so much to have everyone there to see her. Unfortunately, she was playing hard-to-get. She spent half the appointment face down into the placenta. Then she was moving so much that a lot of the pictures were blurry. I was really frustrated because we had all those people there to see her and spent extra moola to get the fancy ultrasound, and now she wasn't cooperating at all. But we got a few good pictures and she was, of course, adorable, and everyone seemed to have a good time and enjoyed the experience. I realized later, as I recounted the story to a co-worker, that my daughter was already teaching me. She was teaching me that I am going to have to learn how to go-with-the-flow when it comes to life with her. I know as she grows that I will be taught this lesson many times over and although I need to keep my expectations for her high, I need to learn flexibility. Expect the unexpected I guess.. or maybe embrace the unexpected :)
I just want to be a good mom. I don't want to (nor do I want anyone else to) underestimate her. I want to set the bar high for her, but I also know that a lot will happen when she is ready. I cannot compare her developmental milestones to any other child. I cannot get caught up in who's baby is crawling or walking first. Those things will happen on their own schedule. I guess its about balancing all those aspects and above all just celebrating the person she is and enjoying every minute of it. I can't get caught up in things that she is not doing yet, because I will miss all the wonderful things that she is doing now. I haven't even met my baby girl yet, but she is already teaching me so many life lessons. I know this will continue to happen and I know she will teach these things to not only us, but to our family and friends. We are so lucky to have her in our lives.
The past 2 months have brought so many unexpected things to our lives, but almost every unexpected thing has been a positive thing OR has turned into something positive eventually. We are so blessed.
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